Numbers 13-14 etc.
Putting yourself in
Try putting oneself in the different roles in this climactic story. This is the story of the whole Torah. No longer are we victims needing saving but we are free and have been given the great gift of the Devarim. Moshe is there and we are “the bene of the Ein Sof” and see the fire nightly and the cloud daily and the manna and the quail and the water from the rock.
This is a living story for us to insert ourselves in. Am I the ra spy; am I the lesser member of the community leading my family but listening to my leader; am I Moshe or Yoshua or Calev; Am I the child at 20 or less looking at the previous generation and saying we will not do what our parents did? Remember that the sages consider the act of spying itself as a rebellion against Abba!
It is poignant! Moshe cried to Yhwh “Pardon” Yhwh said “I pardon! You are not evil but not ready, though! You shall wander 40 years!” This is punishment and mercy! For those that disobeyed were annihilated! Don’t run in and try to fix it! Don’t think your actions after the sin are going to atone when they are themselves disobedient. The troop went in without the ark and without the leader and without a plan and without Yhwh! They were annihilated and Moshe told us to stop! We said we can fix this on our own and against the command! It wasn’t Yhwh who annihilated us. The giants did that! We did it to ourselves because we didn’t listen.
Or what role do I take today? Maybe Aaron! I built the calf! But I was pardoned! I am a Levite but I won’t get to go across the Jordan. I am now listening to Moshe and doing what Yhwh has enlisted me to do. And I am safe but will wander.
Are you one who put Yhwh to the test? Are you now in the role of the pardoned and punished and at the same time Chesed is shown. How is Chesed shown? You are pardoned! Moshe pled for your pardon! You are not part of the “Adeh ra”. The wicked community as Rashi puts it. But you still followed and complained but you didn’t charge in untowardly! But you did get pardoned! But you now have to go 40 years and rear your children to go in because you can’t go in! Abba has said no! You have chosen to need more mercy because maybe mercy has a form of punishment in or we can see the other side of the coin as protection. Mercy is wandering for 40 years but it’s also water from the rock and manna and quail and the pillar of fire and the pillar of cloud and the tabernacle and the community that wanders with me! And Moshe and children who will obey and will go in and take the land flowing with milk and honey!
This is who most of us would be! Most of us are not Moshe or Aaron or Yoshua or Calev or on the other hand the 10 ra spies! Or the chargers into war who were annihilated! Most of us need the double sided coin of mercy and then can train the child or maybe we are the child who learned from the mistakes and heard and saw 40 years more of mercy and then went in with Yoshua (Hosheanah) and won and created rest!
So poignant!